I awoke in surprisingly high spirits.

After checking my diary I was most pleased to find that I had a day off from my very mundane job that zeus had bestowed upon me after that nasty little disagreement that he had with Cronos. So I ordered three lesser beings to do the job for me.

However my optimism about the day was misplaced because, Hera told Zeus that I was getting fat, so he got me a personal trainer to plan several challenges for me. Mainly these challenges involved the fighting of strange animals, (you now how these classical things go).

My trainer introduced himself only as "The friend of Dorothy".

I was impressed with his colouful modeling of Oxfam and Primarks finest clothes and his flagrant homosexuality.

My first challenge appeared simple. I was to dispatch this guinea pig to Hades forthwith. So with a swift kick I sent it flying and I wrongly assumed that it had popped its cogs, and I settled down to a nights sleep.

But I was roused later and found to my horror that the beast was chewing on my foot.

So I dispatched him with no further ado, and proceeded to the nearest cobbler to fix my Caterpillar boots, which Hermes himself had loaned me from his personal collection.

The cobbler informed me that he would fix the shoes only if i was to go to the island where Aeoleus lived and gather all the winds together in a bag for him. (He had a family picnic on wednesday and didn't want it ruined by bad weather.)

He would then sell the winds to a consortium of renewable energy freaks who owned large windfarms for a vastly inflated price.

He told us tales of a three headed monster who patrolled the beach around the island.

There were also another two guardians which he reffered to only as the Sith and the Jedi.

So I set of to find a crew to help me sail.

Unfortunalty all the good sailors seemed to be away at someplace called Troy. Where the word in the acropolis was that they would be gone for 10 years. However I called Holywood and apparently they would have them back in about a week.

But I could not wait that long, so I rounded up the first rabble I could find.

Gunnery Sgt. Sparky

Two Dimensional Michy

Picasso Tongue Martin

Tango Kidd Tiley

The Canine

And the Freind of Dorothy came along as well for good measure and to use as a human sheild if the going got tough.

We boarded the mightiest vessel that we could find and set sail upon the high seas.

This is where something unfortunate occoured. I had explained to the canine that we really needed to bring the AA batteries for the camera, alas he forgot them and we forced him to walk

the planck.

Without the aid of pictures I will recount the tale of the battle which followed.

It was bad. But we won..... and I found some more batteries right at the end.

The island had seen better days, now came the task of defeating the guardians.

We cut one head of the three headed monster, and we almost left the other two heads to argue amongst themselves, until they told us that actually they hated head number three anyway because he was the best looking and everyone liked him more.

So we cut the other two heads off too for daring to converse with us.

The Jedi actually turned out to be an alcoholic pansy, and we killed him Chuck Norris style with a round-house kick to the face.

I mean resorting to sponsored lightsabres, what has the Jedi council come to.

The Sith saw us coming and to our dissatifaction he escaped.....

...So I got my shoes fixed, the cobbler got his picnic, and I lost 2 stone as well....