Agent Morrow and Jarvisio, Crimefighters of surburbia.

I was enjoying a peaceful day at home when unexpectedly General Wang rang.

"One of our operatives has been captured, they are being held by political extremists somewhere in Southampton. I have set special agent Jarvisio (Jarvis' spanish cousin) to help you." I hear the voice crackle on the line.
"This telephone will self-destruct in half a second".




No sooner had I singed my ear on the exploding telephone head set after late warning on said self obliteration. Had agent Jarvisio appeared in my kitchen and was helping himself to drinks and snacks from my private stash of seized goodies from around the globe.



Our quarrel was cut short however when we realised that we had an intruder in the house hell bent upon our destruction.





Jarvisio however has taken the initative and grabbing the first weapon that he can lay his hands on, Which happened to be a spoon because it was already in his hands, as he was busy munching his way through my stack of Marks and Spencer Ice cream, (This wasn't normal ice cream, this ice cream was made from the milk of the Dalai Lama's personal cow, and was whipped by virgins in Shangri-la. Before being lovingly spooned into tubs by Zeus himself).

Anyway, so in short he got the spoon and dispatched the intruder post-haste with a spooning to the brain.

Whenever Jarvisio accomplishes even the most pedestrian of feats he has to complete his victory dance. However since no one has yet managed to get a photo of the secret dance, you will just have to imagine how it goes.




We had to go and pick up our weaponary and ceremonial vestiges from IMF headquarters. As well as more food to last us for the duration of the mission since all my ice cream had mysteriously vanished.

So Jarvisio teleported us there using something that he had made in the shed with a lawnmower and a bicycle.

It worked OK for me but when Jarvisio tried it.....











.....There were unexpected side-effects.











Wasting no time, I picked up my hat and flag. However since all the union jacks had been taken (because it was the Queens birthday, and we had spent the entire years budget on hats, IMF had decided to sell the union jacks to the people in the street, so they could wave them and pretend that they actually cared about a bunch of germans).

I was forced to instead take the flag of one of the colonies instead. (Yeah thats right Suzanne you heard me).




When I arrived at the location I learned to my horror that the political extremists were actually Hill Billy Facists and eastern European communists working together. And to make matters worse they had trained the very beasts of the earth to do there bidding. ....






...See











A firece battle commenced between myself and these two fierce foes. Raging for several hours, carrying on after lunch and well on into the evening.

I must admit that his array of weaponary was amazing, as one can see in this picture.

Realising that I was fighting a losing battle against this Red Necked monster I was left with only one alternative.

I was forced to transform Power rangers style into my alter ego. There would be no force on earth that could stop me once I became....








............The purple electric cowboy of doom.




Not to be continued.

First take a friend. Then you must slowly break their spirit until they will be unable to respond to your fits of hysterics after you humiliate them, now you could do this by slowly easing them into a sense of security, but I find that alcohol works best.
Then you need to find an establihment in which to facilitate the evenings entertainment. I find that a dank and dark place where the police will not think to look for a body and the people surrounding you wont care is best, so the Nexus in Southampton was perfect. So Andrew and I set about torturing Nick for the entire evening, aided by the friendly Jagermeister girls.

Here you can see Andrew and myself, lulling Nick into trusting us, but notice that my hand has already started to move into the choke position.

Now you would ask yourself, if Nick is our friend
A) Why do we need to make him trust us
B) Why do we want to make him cry.

Well suffice to say that Nick has not seen us for a while and last time he roadied for us, he almost got everyone beaten half to death in Brixton by a gang of angry KFC workers.




Here you can see Andrew breast feeding Nick, this is to strengthen the bond between them, and will make the ultimate betrayal all the more painful for Nick, and ergo all the more satisfying for us.

Notice that hand feeling Andrews other nipple there. Thats not his hand, No, no. That is the hand of desire, AKA the hand of the fat biker who blatently wanted Andrew.



And how could we forget the beauty of the Jaigermiester girls, the Golden haired Sirens, the servant of Bacchus, the veritable providers of the nectar of the gods (Jaigermeister can just send me a cheque). Without whose help our journey to drunkeness would have been brutally cut short. There steady supply of alcohol made our evening all the sweeter.

After trying in vain to contain ourselfs, we decided that the time to strike has arrived. The stress of having to contain his murderous intentions for so many long hours causes Andrew to become enraged, Ranny on the other hand was distinctly non-commital to the whole affair.

Lord only knows what I was doing, but I definatly remember at least once trying to catch a tennis ball in my mouth. However I could be confusing this with that time I was at Krufts.



Now here you can see that Nick has sensed danger after Andrews surprise attack, however instead of holding his ground and dueling with Andrew, Nick has decided to use a human shield, hoping that Andrew would not dare to attack the civilian population. His hopes prove to ultimatly hold true, however this just enrages Andrew further. Nick is beginning to realise the dire situation that he is in and the thought of the inevitability of his ultimate demise is visible upon his face.

A few hours pass, wherein Andrew pursues Nick around the pastures of the Nexus. Nick is built for continous speed, however he cannot match the brute force employed by Andrew, and his capture is only a matter of time.

Here you can see that Nick has been tied up in a chair, and Andrews henchmen in the background has left to let his master finish the job.

So Andrew then feasts upon Nicks brains, the flowers are there because it is ceremonial for the sacrifice to look like a Dutch hippy.

The end, tune in soon for more tales for the Life and Times of Bobby Morrow..